“Breathe first!”
That’s the suggestion given by Kellundra Smith on the Building Our Own Tables podcast, and so I did. I took a breath, and then another. I have not been breathing in this way for a while.
…it is very easy to feel overwhelmed. It is very easy to feel lonely. It is very easy to feel discouraged. What I tell people is you have to remember that your very existence is evidence that you are the descendant of survivors, so it’s in you to be resilient, to have fortitude, to be creative and innovative. Even when it seems hard breathing helps to recenter into that place.
Kellundra Smith, Arts Journalist and Playwright
The podcast episode released on March 1st centers on the notion of trusting our gifts. Hosted by Yura Sapi, and supported by the unrivaled and indispensable Howlround Commons, the podcast “supports leaders along their journeys of creation for our collective liberation.”
I am on my own journey of acceptance with the work of “building my own table” and I am not yet at a place to put words to the deep thinking, doing, and being I have been undertaking in the last two years but taking time to listen to the wisdom of Kellundra and Yura is invaluable, and I wanted to share some of the gifts they have given me.
“[A]s a creative person, our minds tend to be very noisy anyway because they’re full of ideas and because we see things and feel things like all the time all at once,” explains Kellundra. “And so I think it’s very important to, when you wake up, not have the first voice you hear be any other than your own inner voice and that you have times throughout your day where you can just connect with that inner voice.”
For much of the last few years I have woken, and turned to writing, without engaging in conversation with my partner or the outside world. This was nourishing, and productive. In recent months, a shift in my work has taken this time from me. I have come to realise that this is a sacrifice that I can’t sustain and will work to foster external silence in the mornings.
Kellundra adds, “until something becomes familiar, until it becomes habit or second nature – you have to consciously bring consciousness to it.” I have found myself to be frustrated, mainly with myself. Progress feels slow. I have come to understand a great deal about how I want to make theatre, but I don’t seem to be able to “get there.” But the conversation in this episode reminds me that the work is a practice, my theatre practice, and it takes time. And that there is no end, only process. Being more mindful of false urgency is another piece of learning for me this morning.
Listening and Breathing. Breathing and Listening. It takes a silenced, focused space and I can claim that for myself. Breathing and Listening. Listening and Breathing. It is a practice, and to practice we need grace, forgiveness, and time.
The commodity, or resource, of space and time in theatre is often seen as scarce because of how they interact with money, or compensation. But as I reflect on this episode I realise that the space and time I need, in this moment, are not tied to a dollar amount. They are tied, connected to, created by, my own actions.
By listening and breathing, as encouraged by Yura and Kellundra, I have already brought about a little more space and time. And with that, the possibilities seem endless, and it’s from this mindset that I know I will do the work that is aligned to my values.
I encourage you to take a listen for yourself, Building Our Own Tables can be found on the pod-catcher of your choice! And a transcript of the conversation is available at the above link.